Domestic abuse can be any abuse that happens in a personal or family relationship. It is most often inflicted by men on their female partners or ex-partners. Where there are children or young people in the household, they will always be affected by living with domestic abuse, even if they are not being abused directly themselves.

The abuse may take different forms - physical, emotional, financial, sexual, or more likely a combination of these. These are all ways that men can control, humiliate and undermine, threaten, and force women and children to do what they want.

"You’re not alone”

I speak of my experience of being abused, how I was repeatedly hospitalised and suffered a miscarriage from the physical, sexual and emotional abuse my husband put me through. For the first six years of my marriage I felt isolated and not believed, even by family and friends When his violence spilt over, affecting my child and wider family, I managed to leave and rebuild my life. Now I have come out strong and positive with a message for other women, “You’re not alone”.

Looking back now I can still hardly believe it happened to me. Growing up in Sheffield I had everything going for me, a good education, friends, and a loving family. I was lively and headstrong at school, but most of my childhood was spent within my Muslim family and community, helping my mother take care of the house and attending classes.

In my late teens I willingly entered an arranged marriage during a trip to Pakistan, but when I returned to England my new husband’s outward charm gave way to jealousy and anger.

Culture Clash

The culture clash was obvious, he couldn’t cope with the life I wanted to live and tried to stop me going out or seeing friends. He lied to my family about what I was doing and soon I began to be beaten black and blue, but never where it would show.

When I turned for help people didn’t believe it could be happening to me, but I found it most hurtful when many in my family and community seemed to be saying it was acceptable, that he was allowed to hit me. They told me I should put up with it because of the shame and disgrace leaving would cause my family. I found myself caught in a cycle of being beaten, then apologising. Years later I still have the scars from the injuries he inflicted and from the many times I cut myself. I didn’t give a shit then, I just thought “so what”. They don’t bother me now though, it’s over and done.

Pressure from the community

I had tried to leave many times, but always returned under pressure from the community and wider family, who would visit from all round the country. In the end, after he had hurt our child, it was the fear of the police being called that made him leave. His threats to my parents brought my family round to my support and eventually we divorced. Even then I was stalked and pressurised and the effects lasted for years. It repeats on you, I jumped back into another relationship and was abused again. The effects of abuse last well beyond the end of a relationship.

I've come out strong

Now though, even telling this terrible but everyday tale of violence and abuse, I am cheerful and inspiring. This can happen to anyone, it’s everywhere, but I’ve come out strong. What happened to me is not acceptable and my generation know it’s wrong.

Bless my sisters for the support they gave me, and my brothers who know to put women first. They would never lay a hand on their wives. There is support out there, it’s difficult but you’re not on your own. At the end of the day there’s always a way out. I know it’s not easy, but that’s all I can say, get out!

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